it’s really weird thinking about how (through this blog and tumblr) i’ve created this mini sanctuary only inside my room where i feel so free and happy and whole with myself and like i belong somewhere/like people understand me
and then as soon as i even leave my room everything has to shift and i have to accommodate for potential racism and misogyny and ignorance and it’s like putting on my Oppression-Scuba-Suit with a supply of Resilience being pumped into me until i can get back to my room and recharge
when you find that occasional friend or space or even conversation where you don’t need the scuba suit, it feels amazing and so strengthening even though that should be what things are like all of the time
but this is why i really frown at people who think that social networking and the internet is a “social ill” and only for people with “no social skills”, which is also ableist, but the main point is that it provides such easy platforms to find other spaces of belonging and that can be so important to people
I don’t care about your feelings of confusion around my gender.
I don’t care about your armchair gender theory, where you tell me how we should “do away with gender” without proposing any solutions to existing oppressive structures.
I don’t care that your gay friend, or even your white trans man friend, used the term “tranny,” you don’t know the effect of that word and have no right to “reclaim” it.
I don’t care when you tell me about how you saw this really fucked up transphobic/transmisogynist thing. Don’t tell me, I know it exists and it’s pervasive. This applies to any intersection of oppression I may inhabit. What I want to hear is what you DID about it in that moment. Otherwise, see my previous lack of caring.
I don’t care about being your go-to “call out” person on all things trans*. If you are my ally, my friend, our relationship has to be more than me calling you out. Putting the onus on me to identify when I need to call you out is exactly the kind of pressure allies are supposed to relieve. Friends get angry with each other, and that is how friendship is tested and understanding is built.
- I care about a lot of things, and that list is far longer. This list itself is in fact an expression of care, a care for myself. Be my ally, wholly and truly in that struggle.
[A/N: presented this as part of my allyship workshop at the Philadelphia Trans Health Conference. People seemed to enjoy it and someone asked me for a copy, so here it is for anyone else interested. -Brynn Cassidy (Cass)]
- go here and download this script and install it to your web browser. for chrome, you’ll need to open the menu and go to tools—>extensions and then you can just drag the file onto that page and it’ll install; for firefox the greasemonkey extension should allow you to install it.
- go here and select “other/undisclosed”.
- you’re done! that’s it! now facebook will use “they” as your pronoun. hooray!